I’m determined not to have “One of those days”. I’M NOT GOING TO. I won’t anymore.

Let me back up for a sec: I find my new Stay At Home Mom job a bit challenging at times. Lots of the time. Especially now that C is going through a clingy/teething phase. 5 days a week I’m 95% in charge of the parenting, cleaning, cooking, grocery, laundry, phone calls, errands, and house fixing up. This can keep me VERY busy all day and into the evening. And I STILL will have more to do!!

I took my previous job as a teacher pretty seriously but I was able to have fun most of the time. I was a pretty laid back, happy teacher (generally!) who enjoyed her job. Now: I take my job as Entertainer/Teacher of C, Purveyor Of Yums, and Cleaner of House seriously. Perhaps too seriously due to the fact that:

  1. I have some pretty good brain screw-ups about being a good wife.
  2. I have some pretty good brain screw-ups about being a good mama.
  3. I have some pretty good brain screw-ups about being a good worker.

The way i think about it, my husband works 40 hours a week. I should too, right? We’re in this together: he works, I work. What I don’t figure in to this is that:

  1. My job doesn’t start at 8:00 and end at 5:00. I get up at approximately midnight, 3:00 AM, and 5:00 every night. For a brief jaunt in the forest of course. Then I decide to sleep very lightly from 5-6 and before waking up grinning wildly with anticipation for my day. Oh wait, that last part is what my kid does:)
  2. During the non-nap portion of the day, all my tasks are accompanied by an extremely curious 10 month old baby. This baby’s goal in life is to put EVERY. SINGLE. OBJECT in his mouth at least once by his first birthday. Now that he’s got teeth he needs to start over and see what all those things taste like WITH teeth. And then he promptly chews and swallows the things. No biggie!
  3. Said baby RARELY leaves my side. He’s like this delightful little leach that goes everywhere I go.

So maybe my job is a little different than J’s.

Yes, I chose to stay home with my kiddo and for me it is best. For our family it is best. We worked hard before kids to make sure this could happen if we wanted it to. There was always that possibility that I’d HATE staying at home with Ze Babe. But I loved it and still do.

HOWEVER: Remember my screwups? Up there? They tend to make me think the house, food, and baby have to be perfect or I’m not a good mama. Or a good person. Sad:( I tend to jamjamjam as much in a day as possible. I tend to dododo tasks ALL day. The more I accomplish, the better a person I am. Sad again:( In all this working non-stop, I neglect someone VERY important to my family: me.

What happens to someone who takes care of others all day long never takes care of herself? She gets a little hateful, stressed, bossy, and not fun to be around.Well, not a little, a LOT not fun to be around.

Renewed Old Goal: Even though I have SOOOOOO much to do I WILL take time every morning for myself. I will NOT work during C’s first nap. I will read, write, SHOWER, and relax. I will not feel like a lazy ass while doing this. I cannot properly do my job of taking care of my family and house unless I take care of myself first. So I give myself permission to relax. To slow down. It’s not being selfish and lazy, it’s being smart. It’s so I can love my work not dread it. It’s so every day doesn’t become “one of those days”…

What good is self-sacrifice if you slaughter everyone else in the process? I hope I remember this.