>Ignored C when he woke squirming beside me at 6:22 this morn. Continued sleeping.

Ignored that sweet happiness and joy of his at being awake (he’s young and naive and didn’t stay up with himself at random times last night).
Unswaddled his arms so he could at least suck on his hands and kept sleeping.
Ignored his funny, sweet noises of glee.
Got smacked in the face and forehead was sucked on but continued sleeping.
J came and took the little Booger Boy and I continued sleeping. Until 6:55 :):)
!!!Yay for sleep!!!
I might love it more than food. Nah, they are even. 🙂
Each night I think about that coming soon day when my baby starts sleeping without me and I know I’m going to so so sosososososo miss cuddling with him all night. In fact, I really should put him in the crib each time he falls back asleep in the middle of the night but can’t stand parting with him. Maybe this has to do with our “waking every 1-3 hours” sleep issues??? Hehe. Maybe, but really my boy is not an awesome sleeper when it comes to length. Easy to put to sleep (IMO) (compared to other babies, no, not easy to put to sleep) (compared to C 3 months ago, YES, easy to put to sleep!). In fact, C used to wake only twice a night until DUDUDUM: the 4 month regression hit;)
Back to the point: my babe sleeping not with me. So at 2:34 AM, when I get C nursed and settled back to sleep, I am presented with The Choice: plop him in his crib 6 inches away or curl up with him in the crook of my arm- warm, slumbering, delightfully amazing. And EVERY time, I ignore the crib. And we go to sleep. And we are both ever so happy:)
Upon reflection- my babe wakes every 1-3 hours no matter what- crib, swing, bed, in my arms. It’s just him for now. This lovely baby phase we’re living through.
Back to sleeping with C- no one ever told me if I bedshare/cosleep, I’ll never WANT my baby to leave my bed. It’s so unsafe, a bad habit to start, don’t do it! was what I read and heard from most people. So I wasn’t going to because MY baby would of course sleep easily, DUH! Those babies who didn’t sleep well? Well, that was Mom’s and Dad’s fault. Poor silly parents not knowing how to get a tiny baby to sleep!! My baby would be fine!! I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING!!! Before I had him….
Then I got him:)
And he is the most lovely person that ever existed but we found early, he is very particular about sleep. So I fearfully bedshared since that was the only way to get him to stay sleeping, talked to my SIL about my worries, and researched how to make it safe.
And NOW it feels very unsafe to have my kiddo in the other room, or even that 6 inches away from me! I get worried (granted, sleep quickly erases this fear!) when he’s far from me. When he’s near, I KNOW he’s fine. I know he’s breathing, not smothered in blankets, crib rails, the roof hasn’t collapsed on him, spiders aren’t eating him, the the trillions of other things out there to get my unguarded babe.
When he sleeps with me, I’m calm. His food (me) is within easy accesses. He is safe and easily comforted. He needs me, I need him. It’s this beautiful arrangement that might disrupt our sleep a tad bit but feeds our souls much more. Goofy, I know:) But he’s happy and safe and I am so in love and grateful.

And So: We co-sleep to sleep.
For now. End of discussion.
And on a side note, C is now napping in his crib, not his swing:):) Swing are for losers!!! And that’s what we were when he slept there 8 till midnight last night. Crib wasn’t working for him at bedtime;) Mind you, we are the loers, not our baby. I think he got the best of both of us and the combination blended to perfect for him.
And PS- before you tell me/think this isn’t safe, please do realize, as moms, we all think differently. I don’t believe in giving my child more than 1 vaccine every 2 months, I think my babe should be responded to each and every time he cries (ie- no crying it out for bed or anything), kids under 2 shouldn’t watch TV (C doesn’t!), and that boys should not have part of their penises cut off. I try to keep those thoughts to myself when others are raising their kids according to their beliefs. We all love our babes differently, right? We all do the best we possibly can as moms:)