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My mind is in mild turmoil this morning, spurned by the fact that an organic apple I bought last week was grown in Chile. This surprised me because I want to buy local and I thought I was buying local. How silly of me to assume because my apples are organic, they are also local. Local apples in May…. really??? Since I became a freakish environmentalist a few years ago and a vegetarian last year, I’ve become much more aware of the impact humans have on our planet. Call me a hippie but I’m really not. I just want to buy things people near me have grown or raised in order to support them and their environmentally sound farming/animal practices. I’d rather support the farmer down the road than the farmer I don’t know in Chile. Is that wrong? I wonder. 

Last night I snapped at J because he had the audacity to comment that “this was SO good” when ‘this’ was a piece of cake made from a boxed cake mix. I did apologize later for that!!! I’ve recently started hating convenience, processed foods. Certainly I’ve been stuck up about them for a while now but it became full blown this year. We went to Panera for dinner last night and threw away cups, napkins, a spoon, and sandwich wrappers. We were given food on reusable plates and bowls so that was good. But if everyone in the US throws this much away in just one meal a day, that adds up to a lot. We are so careless with our waste, buying pre-made dinners that we eat and then we discard the container without a thought. If I want a loaf of bread, I throw away the bag it came in. Ice cream containers go in the trash can as well. Pizza boxes, egg cartons, lunch meat bags. Wow, I am so irate…..

I recycle everything I can but most of my friends and family don’t. And I don’t want to press the issue since of course that can be annoying for them to listen to!! I buy potted pants for my garden and wonder what to do with the containers, then save them for planting next year’s seeds. I don’t buy processed foods hardly. I try very hard but wonder if I am the only one doing this. I wonder if it is too important to me. God is in charge. I can leave it in God’s hands. I do what I can and trust He will take care of things. But maybe he wants me to do more? Maybe I’m not doing enough? Why do people treat His creation with such carelessness? Where do they think chemicals used to grow their food goes? The trash they simply set by the curb each week?

I must be positive now:)

I have a girl best friend that I used to talk to a few times each week. We’d call each other and talk every couple of days. Now J is my best friend. Not a very good one at times simply because he is a man and can’t understand “why the heck did that upset her?” or “what the freak? Why is she so emotional about this!?!”. Now I talk to my girl BF only a couple times a month though we still spend a weekend together every month of two. Kind of makes me sad how things have changed naturally. Now poor J has to deal with this kind of sporadic complaining and ranting!!!

I like living in Indiana. My big sis complains about it and is always wanting to move because it is too hot or too cold. I think winter is a wonderful idea (way to go, God!). Winter is a a time for reflecting and contemplating, a time for looking forward to spring. I wish winter was shorter maybe but to not have it would unthinkable!!! I could not love summer and spring as much as I do without having to live through seemingly unending days of snow and freezing cold. I love the boiling days of summer that wrap you in heat and sweat since they are the opposite of bitterly cold nights huddled under blankets, shivering. Without sadness, would we appreciate happiness as much? Without happiness to look forward to, would we be able to emerge from sorrow? Without my complaining, would you love my silence as much?!?!

My garden is growing, the birds are singing, and the grass is green. There is a red Columbine flower poking out among the pink ones and the clematis flowers climbing on my fence are turning toward the sunny sky. Someday I’ll live in the country where I can grow blueberries and strawberries.

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